true love....

Last night as Andrew and I were laying in bed I asked him if he ever wished I dressed up more... more than my usual t-shirt and blue jeans. He so sweetly looked at me and said 'baby, I feel in love with you when dressing up for us was wearing jeans instead of sweatpants, I love you for YOU'. Pretty much the sweetest thing I have ever heard. I love how little moments like that bring you a whole new appreciation and level of love for you spouse. 3 years and it's only getting better... :)

no-no's and good boy's

I am in awe of how much Liam has changed over the past almost 8 months. He is eating baby food and even some adult food, loves to walk around the house with us holding his hands, is strong enough to pull himself up on pretty much everything, and has developed quite the attitude. Ohhhh, his attitude. It's pretty incredible how well he makes his prefrences known. For example, he will continually crawl to the lamp cord in our living room. No matter how many times I tell him 'no-no'. I actually think he finds it as an encouragement to do it more. Everytime he does something good (like not spit his food while eating) and I say 'good boy', he seems to deviate away from that very quickly.

There are so many things that I heard before I was a mom, or when I was pregnant, that I honestly thought was hogwash. Oh how times have changed! It is so true, you don't understand being a mommy until you are in those shoes yourself. It doesn't matter how much time or how close you are to other children, until they are your own, it doesn't compare. I have found myself seeking the advise and help of SO many moms out there. I love hearing other peoples ideas, what works and doesn't work for them, and how they made it through the tough times.

Currently, Liam is in complete rebelion of naps. His incredible schedule including 4 hours of naps every day is out the window. We are lucky if we get 2 hours now. The frustration is ovewhelming. I refuse to accept this as his new 'norm', instead we have consistently stuck with what we know works. He goes down awake, crys himself to sleep, even if he wakes up before 6:30 we do not get him from his crib until 6:30. This is the best I know to do now. Heres to hoping he snaps back into it quickly! Mommy and daddy may go crazy otherwise. :)

baby lovin' (my secret blog from the past 2 months....)

Well hello little alien in my belly. :) It has been quite the adventure so far with you....

Andrew and I found out we were expecting numero dos May 16th. At that point Liam was almost exactly 5 months old. Although it may not have been our initial reaction, we like the idea of having our two kids close in age. We did however know there was quite a bit of shock value in the news, so we made the decision to not share the news for a while. Currently our goal is to wait until we know the sex, but we will see if we can actually make that happen.

With Liam I had low progesterone levels so they had me on a supplement until 12 weeks. It was the same case with 2. So that news didn't come as such a shock, but they did however want to do an ultrasound to address some other issues that had raised concerned. The ultrasound showed a blood clot in my uterus right by the baby. Because of it's nature, and the inability to predict what it will do (grow, rupture, absorb, etc) they put me on bed rest. I was able to go to work and that was all, they seriously told me I couldn't lift Liam or walk stairs.... honestly. This of course was over the course of Andrew being gone for a week on our jr. high missions trip. They did a follow up ultrasound two weeks later, the clot had reduced in size but was still there. Some restrictions were lifted, but not all. I am currently exactly 10 weeks pregnant and have another ultrasound on the 30th (our anniversary). We are praying and trusting that everything will be perfectly fine! The awesome thing was to see how much a little creature grows within two weeks. At the 6 week ultrasound 2 was just a little blob with a heartrate (something that made MY heart so happy to see). But at 8 weeks the little thing was budding arms and legs. Honestly looked just like a little gummy bear. Through all of this we are trusting God that this gift was of Him and He will protect this little creature and come January 23 ish (exactly 13 months after Liams due date) we will be given another incredible gift - a healthy perfect little baby.

All this to be said, if you live around me, I just may be MIA for a year or two once 2 comes. :)



I just had ultrasound number 3 last Tuesday, July 29th. It was also the same day as my 10 week check up. The blood clot has again reduced in size! Awesome news, praise the Lord! We were at the cabin all weekend with my family, it was so great to be able to be out on the boat while my mom and all of my aunts loved on Liam! Andrew and I taught my 4 cousins to wakeboard and ski, it was a blast. The bummer was not being able to do those things myself. I remember last summer when I was pregnant with Liam how Andrew and I would keep saying, 'its only this summer, next summer I'll be back up doing it all'. Oh how life is so unexpected sometimes! I have come to realize that there is a great reason that God works in mysterious ways. We now are on our second unexpected pregnanacy, and to be honest, if God didn't work his plan in our lives we probably wouldn't be even close to be pregnant with number one. I'm not sure when we would have ever felt 'ready' for a child, but then again I don't know when anyone ever feels really ready. This makes me so thankful that we are fully submitted to God's plan for our life and family, his plan is far better than ours.



Last week I spent an entire 5 days away from Liam. Andrew and I were at Jr High camp and Liam was getting spoiled by Grandma and Grandpa Richard for the week. Man was that tough! It is pretty incredible how much you can miss a little guy. Camp was incredible, worth every second of time, effort, and lack of sleep. I love seeing lives changed in such a short period of time. God work in ways I had never seen before. Blew my mind! He is SO good!



After camp ended Andrew and I picked up Liam and headed up to his grandparents cabin for the weekend. Perfect time for a family getaway. We were talking with his grandma, and she was explaining that her two oldest children, Andrew's mom and uncle were exactly 13 months apart. She told a bunch of stories and it ended with 'I would never recommend having your children that close together'. Later that weekend we told them the big news and she felt horrible (all of a sudden, 13 months apart wasn't as bad) and his grandpa told me when I walked in the door he thought I looked pregnant! Holy smokes. I can tell, Andrew can tell, but other people can tell??! There goes our idea of waiting until 20 weeks. Oh well! It was however, good to hear stories of what it is like with kiddos so close in age. Not for a moment do we try to fool ourselves into thinking it will be a walk in the a park, but our constant reminder is that this was not orchstrated by us, and He knows what we can handle, even when we maybe don't!

setting my FOCUS

If you know me even just a bit, I try my best to be as organized as possible. I have been called anal and obsessive with my routine schedules and lists. The reason behind this is because I have a terrible memory and my mind wonders like crazy. I have very little ability to stay focused on things for any extended period of time. The reason for my anal retentive behavior is so I can keep track of and focus on the things that matter. Lately my focus has been off - well on, but at the same time off. Obviously when you have a child they become the main source of your focus. Then issue is I have been focusing on all the things that even 2 years from now will not matter - like all the little milestones that someone has decided should happen at some point in a baby's life and Liam still does not do. Like rolling, or really moving at all. In all reality things like this are very small in the big scheme of things. Two years from now weather my son rolls at 3 months or 6 months will not matter. Neither will his weight and height. I am fully aware of the fact that his stats now are not important (as long as he is growing and thriving well). I also recognize that my willing my son to do something will not make it happen any quicker. Although I know all of these things I still set my focus on them.

Today I am RE-setting my focus. I will focus on his smiles, laughs, and cute little rolls. I will stop focusing on the things I have no control over and instead focus on enjoying who he is NOW as I know this all will pass and I will miss my happy little boy who can't talk back and cop an attitude. :)

consistancy

I saw another person make a blog post today and I thought to myself, I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. Then I started beating myself up for not being consistant with this. I kept telling myself - you wanted to do this, you said you would blog at least once a week, why can't you just stay CONSISTANT. There are so many things in my life I wish I stuck to better. Our budget would be a great example, I can make a million of them but have the hardest time sticking to it! Working out would be another great example, I'm not going to loose the last 20 stinking pounds of prego weight if I don't work for it. Even time spent with my husband - our lives are so chaotic (especially now, May, June and July are the worst and best months for a youth pastor) and we never see each other. This has always been a struggle of mine. I have so many thoughts, ideas, dreams, and goals that I make it nearly impossible for me to follow through. WHY IS THIS? Why am I this way?



Then I started to think about things that are my 'non-negotiable' things. Being consistant in my faith, in my ministry, and with my family. These are mine. My son with know every day that he is loved. My students with know every day they are being covered in prayer. My family will know every day how thankful I am they are MY family. And in these things I have been consistant. So maybe my blogging has suffered, maybe my belly will NEVER be the same and maybe the next three months will be a long one for Andrew and I, but I know the things that will not have to change or settle for less. God has so clearly given me a heart for these few things, along with a mind that loves to dream. The things that I have put upon myself are nonsense expectations. Today I am reminded of this - as I continue to seek God's will in all areas of my life, priorities may shift and change as I grow but I can know that I am being the best version of me - the version that God has inteaded for me to be.



'I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.' Psalm 139:14

my best friend is better than your best friend...

I lead our prison outreach at church and tonight we had someone sharing her story of her friend. The story was of their relationship and how forgiveness played a huge part in their ability to grow closer together. My best friend (I will refer to her as bff from here on out :) ) was here this past weekend. She is truely my confidant. The one person that I can share everything thing with - knowing that I will not be judged but instead she will love me no matter what crazy thing comes out of my mouth. Brooke and I have been through plenty. I have made plenty of mistakes throughout our friendship. Her ability to forgive me is what has gotten us to where we are today. I truely believe that relationships that have the ability to withstand hardships are stronger because of it.

Our friendship kindof took a hit a few years ago. We didn't talk for months. We slowly started talking again after almost a year. I remember it just being easy. It was when Andrew and I got engaged that we started to really talk. She had gotten married 2 years ago and I didn't even know where to start with wedding plannin. As the few months before our wedding followed we became close once again. Her husband Josh was in our wedding party and was planning on coming up for most of the week before for all the pre wedding festivities. The last two weeks before our wedding Andrews mom took a turn for the worse. She had been diagnosed with her 5th cancer earlier that year and until that point we truely believed she would be healed. Exactly a week before our wedding Nancy died. She was the most amazing woman I had ever met - but that is for another blog. I remember talking with Brooke that day and without any hesitation she wanted to be with with me that week. She didn't have a ticket but got one, and 3 days later was here. The days leading up to the wedding she was the biggest help. I am fully convinced without her help and my other bridesmaids I would have gone insane. I was able to spend the time focusing on Andrew's family when I needed to and when wedding stuff came around I knew I would be taken care of. Not anyone would just drop everything and and fly hundreds of miles away last minute. That was the week I realized I would not let what happened before happen again. Through a crazy turn of events she ended up standing up in our wedding - that was completely ironic but looking back it was completely perfect.

Brooke and I are pretty much as opposite as they come... she is girly, me not so much, she was a dancer, me sooo not so much. The list of differences could go on and on. After I dropped her off at the airport I had tears in my eyes (and if you know me, this just does not happen) I was just overwhelmed by how blessed I am by her friendship. I am the first to admit that I am sometimes difficult, she knows this, but she still loves me. We have the most fun together and I am 100% certain that any person in this world would be blessed to be her friend, yet she choose me to be her best. She challenges me, she tells me it will be ok when it just isn't yet, she tells me when I am out of line, she tells me when someone else is out of line, she encourages me to grow, she makes up fun names for us like c3po and r2d2 and calls me her co-pilot, she sets an amazing example for so many people in her life as well as me. I find a much stronger and deeper value in having a few close friends - quality over quantity. Brooke is as quality as it comes. She is genuine. She truely loves people and loves helping and serving. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I am feeling truely blessed tonight. Thank you Jesus for the amazing people you have placed in my life!

~my best friend is the one who brings out the best in me~

husband and daddy

Today I was thinking about how fortunate I am to have a husband who is a great husband - has been for almost 3 years. But a husband who is also an amazing father. To be honest, seeing him interact and play with Liam gives me an even greater love and appreciation for him. Which is pretty great if you think about why you marry someone. You hear all of the terribly romantic people tell you that you 'fall in love more every day'. Well I don't totally agree with that because there are most certainly times where I want to scream when Andrew doesn't listen, or follow through, or just is straight up being completely ridiculous. But it is 100% true that my love for him today (it's only 8:45am so the day is still young) :) is greater than my love for him 3 years ago when we got married. He is so silly with Liam, sings songs about kicking crocodiles in the head and swimming with jellyfish but LJ LOVES it! His face lights up when andrew smiles at him and plays with him. THAT is incredible. Right now I am feeling quite blessed by my family. I wouldn't change a thing. Life is good, mmmhmm, life is good. :)

just another manic sunday...

Sunday is always an interesting day for me. Andrew is out of the house early so I am home getting Liam and I all ready to head out the door by 10 for church. This past Sunday was Liam's dedication so I planned out the whole morning in my head of how it was going to work so I could get him ready - me ready (second day doing a hairstyle that doesn't include a ponytail) and also make sure the 6 guests that my husband said could stay at our house (without any previous discussion with me) were all taken care of as well. Liam decided he only wanted to nap for 20 minutes when it is usually two hours and we had two - one small, one waterfall - leaks in our kitchen. Liam is screaming (he just couldn't poop) my hair is now already dry without me touching it yet and I have about 20 minutes. Any other morning I would have said forget it and stayed home. Not possible when he is getting dedicated. Of course as soon as we walked in the church doors Liam was perfectly fine. Of course he was! I think this child of mine has this secret little deal where he trys to get as close as he can to driving me CRAZY. Sunday, he was very close.

The dedication was awesome - our Pastor did a great job and Liam may have even cracked a little smile. Maybe. :) One thing about being a mommy - your children always keep you guessing. I have learned to never feel so confident in having anything down because as soon as I do he changes it. It's just what he does.

mommyhood.

I have wanted to start a blog for a while and here I am finally. I'm excited to be able to share my thoughts and life with whoever cares enough to read about it. So here it begins.....

Tonight we started a new night for our jr highers. Liam and I went and hung out with all the students. It's so fun to see the students love on my little boy. We have Liam on a pretty awesome schedule and he now gets put down awake and falls asleep all on his own. So great for our sanity but I miss my times when he and I would just snuggle up and I would rock him to sleep. So I planned it all out so we could be at church for as much of the event as possible - I fed him at church and drove home at 8 - right when he goes to bed. As I took him out of his carseat to bring him up to his crib he was sound asleep. I brought him upstairs and couldn't help but snuggle with him for a bit. As we were rocking I was thinking about how crazy it is that one little boy can totally change my whole life. The love that a mom feels for her baby is something I never understood until it was me. He makes me a better person. He inspires me and he brought a whole new purpose to my life. I can't even express how much love I have for him. Being a mommy is the best job in the world.