setting my FOCUS

If you know me even just a bit, I try my best to be as organized as possible. I have been called anal and obsessive with my routine schedules and lists. The reason behind this is because I have a terrible memory and my mind wonders like crazy. I have very little ability to stay focused on things for any extended period of time. The reason for my anal retentive behavior is so I can keep track of and focus on the things that matter. Lately my focus has been off - well on, but at the same time off. Obviously when you have a child they become the main source of your focus. Then issue is I have been focusing on all the things that even 2 years from now will not matter - like all the little milestones that someone has decided should happen at some point in a baby's life and Liam still does not do. Like rolling, or really moving at all. In all reality things like this are very small in the big scheme of things. Two years from now weather my son rolls at 3 months or 6 months will not matter. Neither will his weight and height. I am fully aware of the fact that his stats now are not important (as long as he is growing and thriving well). I also recognize that my willing my son to do something will not make it happen any quicker. Although I know all of these things I still set my focus on them.

Today I am RE-setting my focus. I will focus on his smiles, laughs, and cute little rolls. I will stop focusing on the things I have no control over and instead focus on enjoying who he is NOW as I know this all will pass and I will miss my happy little boy who can't talk back and cop an attitude. :)

consistancy

I saw another person make a blog post today and I thought to myself, I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. Then I started beating myself up for not being consistant with this. I kept telling myself - you wanted to do this, you said you would blog at least once a week, why can't you just stay CONSISTANT. There are so many things in my life I wish I stuck to better. Our budget would be a great example, I can make a million of them but have the hardest time sticking to it! Working out would be another great example, I'm not going to loose the last 20 stinking pounds of prego weight if I don't work for it. Even time spent with my husband - our lives are so chaotic (especially now, May, June and July are the worst and best months for a youth pastor) and we never see each other. This has always been a struggle of mine. I have so many thoughts, ideas, dreams, and goals that I make it nearly impossible for me to follow through. WHY IS THIS? Why am I this way?



Then I started to think about things that are my 'non-negotiable' things. Being consistant in my faith, in my ministry, and with my family. These are mine. My son with know every day that he is loved. My students with know every day they are being covered in prayer. My family will know every day how thankful I am they are MY family. And in these things I have been consistant. So maybe my blogging has suffered, maybe my belly will NEVER be the same and maybe the next three months will be a long one for Andrew and I, but I know the things that will not have to change or settle for less. God has so clearly given me a heart for these few things, along with a mind that loves to dream. The things that I have put upon myself are nonsense expectations. Today I am reminded of this - as I continue to seek God's will in all areas of my life, priorities may shift and change as I grow but I can know that I am being the best version of me - the version that God has inteaded for me to be.



'I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.' Psalm 139:14